So last weekend I participated in the "Vyshyvanka unites" a festival dedicated to Ukrainian tradition of wearing embroidered clothes and all related, organised in the Open Air Museum in Tallinn. I gave two workshops dedicated to basic Ukrainian embroidery stitches often used in decorative elements, if you read my blog post

“My top favourite embroidery techniques”, you have seen them on the list.

In my opinion, the stitches are stupidly simple but their arrangement in the composition is what makes the stunning look for example in the rushnyk Poltava-style or Naddniprynshchyna embroideries. Take a look at what I am talking about:

Photos are from the collection of Ivan Honchar Museum. Licensed by CC BY-NC 4

So, as my table appeared to be in the kids' zone of the festival and most of the participants of the workshops were kids I didn't mind it too much cause there are exactly the techniques that you can upgrade and simplify to the level of embroiderer’s experience. And indeed kids quickly picked up the main stitches and were bold and creative with colours and arrangements, so it was fun for everyone. 

As usual, some people pick up the scheme faster, others are better with colour combinations, and there are a few (also among kids) who are perfectionists to the clear stitch look. I am always fascinated that every group has similar dynamics and all talents are usually represented.

But there was one situation that triggered me a lot and I want to share it with you.

It was already the end of the day and the second workshop when a mom and a daughter of about 10 years old passed by our table. The girl’s eyes sparked when she saw embroidery and she pulled her mom to look closer. The mom in turn gave her this: “No, that’s not for you. You can’t do this. Look, people are making beautiful embroideries. You are not capable of making such works.”

I won’t lie, I gasped in shock. Maybe this mom was tired of trying to wrap the time out and go home or whatever other reason she was not enthusiastic about her kid participating in the workshop, but why would you ever word it this way to cut any seedlings of a kid's interest in something and confidence in trying anything at all??

It shoots simultaneously in both legs: self-confidence and cultivating one's interests. Cutting out like this gives the signal to a girl “Your interests do not matter” which is debilitating and corrodes a personality and self-respect.

Secondly, sentences like this kill self-confidence with a very long-lasting effect. How does she even know whether she can do it or not if she never tries? Firstly, you need to try and see how it goes for you and whether you like it. Even if the first time your embroidery didn’t look really good, you can try again and keep on building up the skill if you like it. Rarely someone is really born with the embroidery skill, you have to practice. The learning process and pace also is very different for different people.

I hope I emphasise enough in my workshops that embroidery doesn’t have to look perfect, neither from the first try nor at all. If you enjoy the process and your work that’s amazing, that’s good enough. It is your creative expression or just a hobby you like doing while watching shows or talking to friends. Let’s leave the perfection to the 1% of professional embroiderers who devoted their whole time to it for decades.

I believe that it is a huge problem with the girls’ upbringing, which keeps migrating from generation to generation, that gives this signal, this fixed setting “You have to be perfect or you’re worth nothing”, while boys are encouraged to be brave and persistent and margin of error is for them often much wider that for girls.

It is so important to convey this message to both boys and girls that you can try and try again or leave this hobby after one attempt if you don’t enjoy it, or keep on doing it even if you are not really good at it but you love the process and IT IS OKAY! And your worth is not dependent on your excellence and productivity. Especially when it comes to hobbies that are supposed to bring you joy and company.

So back to the workshop table, I managed to quickly collect myself and oppose the mother’s words, assuring the kid that she can do it and she should try. And she did. The girl was clearly fascinated by every second of it and tried her very best.

We sat with her and learned the way to work with the needle and do basic stitches. She was as good as most of the kids of her age, sometimes clumsy, but very attentive and picking it up really fast. But the main things she tried to do were what she wanted and what she liked. The girl was embroidering and seemed to enjoy the work…up until I turned to check on another student.

Outside of my attention umbrella, her mom quickly snapped her with the words “Well that’s enough, you see, you messed it up already.” and took the girl away. I could only shout after her “You did great!” hoping that this would stick in her mind for at least a bit.